iwilleatyourenglish: iwilleatyourenglish: once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the...
the-box-of-tomatoes-fairy: friendlycloud: hitlervevo: why the fuck cant we text the police lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you Relevant I’ve wondered this for years
4chanofficial: i find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes
simoncowell: niallhoran: louistomlinson: zaynmalik: liampayne: harrystyles: baby you light up my god shut up u lil shits
princemordo: heads up if i ever stop talking to you as much its not you there are a lot of things going on right now and idk what im doing and i often forget the fact that i have friends omfg i still want to be close if i ever message/text/call/ect you a lot pls let me know bc i dont want to make you uncomfortable or bug you be a Pal; dont let me make an asshat out of myself ps its more...
Friend: What's the difference between ships and otps?
Me: Ships make you smile and sigh and get a little teary-eyed maybe. Otps make you claw your own face off and sob.
spadesslick: pimposaur: reasons not to kill yourself chicken tender the billionth number of pi is 9 it’s not gay if it’s on the moon sponges feel cool highdeas.com joe biden the letter Q dirt Some of these are legitimately calming.
ferretdog: if you shame people for going to a community college then you’re dumb don’t talk to me
sonicportal: pizzaforpresident: fffcuk: pizzaforpresident: pizzaforpresident: IM ON THE PHONE WITH A VITAMIN COMPANY TO FIND OUT WHY THE BOTTLES ARE SO BIG IF THE PILLS ONLY TAKE UP 10% OF THE SPACE INSIDE IT’S BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO PUT ALL THE INGREDIENTS AND WARNINGS IN BOTH FRENCH AND ENGLISH SO THE BOTTLE HAS TO BE BIG ENOUGH TO SUPPORT A LABEL WITH ALL THAT TEXT why are you...
Three year-old me: oh my god dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
Me now: oh my god dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
ezioauditoress: im cryign i scrolled past a post and it froze on this justa quick selfie 4 i gotta go back in that dumb machine lol!!! #swag #1800assassino
coltongillies: igohardinovertime: this has to be the worst picture ever taken of a football player i think you mean the best
...some call me the gangster of love:... →
surejohn221b: iusedtobethefire: katnisstiel: yesbecausereasons: real—not—real: real—not—real: assckles: assckles: I want to take a dollar bill and write “are you Misha Collins” on it and maybe one day it’ll end up in his hands and he’d be the…
captainswan-17: squidkitten: when you’re wrapping presents and the scissors glide fuck yes and then they hit a wrinkle and it riPS LIKE THE LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT IT IS
that one song that starts playing and you recognize it immediately and you just
Our heater caught fire
isaisanisa: So we had to call the apartment repair guys They came To our Apartment. oh god
That awkward moment when someone can't pronounce...
reminiscingsunday: laugh-addict: You are like: And they are like:
goodluck-beccasdq: lindseyintheskywithdiamonds: thats-blaine: The Hunger Games: Dedicates half a chapter to legs shaving, kills Finnick in half a sentence. Isn’t that how life is, though? We can waste countless minutes stressing and focusing our attention on meaningless things while in an infinitesimal fraction of that time a life can be taken. Whoa girl. Too deep for me.
aloh4mor4: boygrimlark: scout-ebubbles: docot: freddybenson: leovaldezstyle: freddybenson: A B C the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours D E F
iwillincendiotheheartoutofyou: ‘All the women in Doctor Who fall in love with the Doctor’ 1. No they don’t 2. Just the women?